Make Sure You're Comfy

Plan in advance to make sure you’re comfortable and safe. If wearing protection is an important boundary for you, consider bringing condoms and dental-dams and make sure your partner understands this boundary. If you prefer having the lights dimmed, let them know.

Location could be an important consideration too. Even subconsciously, you may feel more comfortable in your own home rather than someone else’s, and your comfort level may change based on how sober you or your partner are. Regardless, you should feel comfortable and safe, so take the time to make sure you have everything you need!

Illustration: D Wang Zhao

Illustration: D Wang Zhao


  • “Hey, so before we do anything physical, I really need you to ask me beforehand (before we do each physical thing). Even if you already know that I’m interested in it. I just need you to ask me (so I feel comfortable).”

  • “Hey, I don’t think we should do this because we’ve both been drinking”

  • “Do you have a condom? I have some in my bag we can use if you don’t.”

  • “Can we dim the lights a bit? I know that would make me feel more comfortable”

  • “Can we do massages first?”

  • “Can we kiss a little while longer? I love when you kiss my neck...”

  • “Would you be interested in showering / cleaning up together? I’d be way more comfortable with oral if we did that together first.”